I was watching a Disney movie the other day, and it made me think about something quite important about us girls, growing up with that whole Disney philosophy. No, I don’t care about all that ‘Disney is chauvinistic, we girls don’t need to be rescued, we’re just so strong and powerful and that’s bullshit’ bullshit, no. Many girls loved Cinderella, yet grew up to make their own money and find their own prince, driving their own car, so there’ll be no feminist wand-waving and silly affirmations in this class.
It got me thinking that you can actually tell a lot about a girl’s taste in men, according to her favorite Disney prince. Like, a girl who is in love with Snow White’s prince (simply referred to as Prince, no more, no less) is a girl who will tend to like superficial boy-toys, very probably wearing a little lip balm, cause, you know, it’s windy and all. Browsing my high-school memories, I even found proof, in a friend who was always Snow White, and adamantly claimed that the Prince is THE prince to be in love with, and how she always managed to find a boyfriend with no depth whatsoever, who she always secretly despised. At the end of the day, when she would say ‘he’s boring and he’s got a horrible taste in shirts,’ she would say, ‘aw, well, at least he’s gorgeous.’ I always wondered if it was cherry flavor that made his lips look like that. Both the Prince’s and the boyfriends of this friend of mine.
Moving along to girls who love Ariel’s Eric. Eric has a great personality, is painfully handsome, a man of the people and everyone likes him. Summed up – a boy you can show off to everyone. He’s a prince, but so modest and normal, you almost have the perfect alibi to shove his best traits in people’s faces, without them feeling complete liberty to say ‘WE KNOW YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND’, even though you’d love to have that sometimes. It proves you’ve won. Proof – another friend who always casually managed to mention how her boyfriend got this huge promotion and he’s so much better than everyone else’s. Not better than yours, come on, I didn’t mean it that way! Okay, so much better than yours.
Girls who fell for Aladdin are usually girls who need excitement and expect to be entertained by a goofy skateboarder who’s friends with monkeys. They were the ones who would occasionally run away from home, to their parents’ exasperation, only to be back in the evening a little taken aback by the unusual street life the boy led. No, these weren’t girls who were Jasmine. These were girls who liked to be different from the ones who were waiting for princes. There weren’t many who were in love with Aladdin, though. I don’t even think I have solid proof for this claim. But why else would you be in love with the guy who lives alone in a dirty studio apartment and doesn’t take shit from anyone? Because you’re a rebel. And your mom won’t let you go out unless you do your chores.
Girls whose hearts melt at the sight of Prince Adam – rule, of course, because I am one of them, and because I’ll explain why in a second. First, even though Prince Adam is way too perfectly blonde and Greek God-like for my taste, he is gorgeous, but let’s not get carried away with taste in appearance. Prince Adam has issues a lot more serious than the other boys who were fed with a silver spoon, riding white stallions, spying for glass slippers. Prince Adam was the beast! (And I liked him better when he was a beast, but we’ll address my quirkiness some other time). That proves that he had facial hair at least several years of his existence (okay, we got carried away with physical appearance). In translation, this is a boyfriend that has a clear perspective about important things in life, plus he can fight wolves for you and he walks away from fights with unworthy opponents because, you know, you’re there. AND, even though he’s huge and all, he puts up with small animals for your sake. And, he can be a baby when he’s indisposed, but you know, that’s cause he was fighting wolves for you. I got carried away again.
Prince Charming’s fans (That’s Cinderella’s prince) are also people you can rely on. Just because Prince Charming is one of the normal princes, you know, he has his priorities and yawns at royal balls, but it all changes when he sees Cinderella all dressed up. In translation: He won’t feel like going to parties, but there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you when you disarm him with a mini-skirt and a black choker. I didn’t have friends who expressed a lot of interest in him, though. I guess because he didn’t talk much and he had the physical appearance of a Ken doll, and God knows we had a lot of those lying around the house.
But I did have friends falling for Phillip. Whining about what a better match they are to him, than singing Sleeping Beauty, who apparently has 18 lines in the whole movie, becoming the Princess with the least lines in Disney. Because Phillip was a jock. He had the witty remarks, the horse to joke around with (which can be easily translated as a cool sidekick-like friend, or maybe a nice sports bike, whatever suits you), and he was blonde. And many girls dig blonde, beardless guys for some reason.
Of course, there are exceptions to all of this. But you have to admit, even the toughest girl has at least once sighed amorously at the sight of at least one of these. That’s all I could think of for now. Which one was yours?